I'm: Sketchy apparently. Mwahahaha
I'm listening to: Fade Into Me - Cowboy Junkies
Dear Fellow livejournal readers,
This post is going to sum up my past year or so, I'm
not going to lie, iT will be long, but I'll be as breif as possible.
Please read, and try to figure me out, most will find out stuff they do
not know. I am not going to apolagise for my experiences, for they have
made me who I am today, and they may not be the thing to die or live
for, but this has been the easiest, the hardest, the most painful, and
peaceful year of my life, it was very intense.
2005: AS I KNEW IT...
- It started with, well it never really started it
flowed from the past to the future, the past helped prepare, hence it
never starting, kind of like a ring.than will never end.
-You where i tried, this was ... wow I don't even remember, but It
ended with me knowing that you where someone worth loving, and I was
not the one to do it.
I got to know you and it was weird for that one day. That one simple
day changed my life forever. And maybe i did end up laughing a little.
oh cat stevens, you crazy man. I think about you from time to time
still. I know if I was to see you on the street my heart would stop.
Only it would be in a different way then it was month ago.
-i started this job at GNC... I totaly rocked that shit man, in fact
weird how that turned out, dude i never quit, and i never got fired...
i don't wanna talk about it.
-started a job at the muddy cup, changed my fucking life.as much as i
can curse my experiences their, i can kiss them too. i met people there
who have changed my life forever.
met people i am not worthy of. some people who make me want to live the
rest of my life with in their friendship. that place changed me so
much, it wasn't just a job, i don't think anyone truely understands
that.
-I've done some things I'm extremely ashamed of... should i list
them... do bears swim in camera boxes. ok then, I've also done things I
thought i could never do, done things i'm proud of, said things below
me said things advanced for me, tis how i do my thing baby, tis how i
do it.
-played my guitar until my fingers bled...then i forgot about it for a little while, i want to start back up.
-Had my heart ripped open by my loved ones, had it ripped open by
friends, and had it ripped open by enemies, had it ripped open by -
well you get it.
-Broke a young man's heart, and that really and truely hurt me. I got
acuanted quite well with someone who has multiple personalities.
-forgot how to love, and hated way too much.
-forgot how to hate, and loved all too much.
-acted my age for the first time in years. acted below my age. TURNED LEGAL, fell hundreds of feet.
-Discovered that it's the people who you love the most, hurt you the
most. I told who is supposed to be the most important person in my life
that i give or take, want nothing to do with them, that was very hard,
because you may be tough on the inside, but it takes a lot of guts to
push usless dreams, hopes and memories out of the way, and be stong on
the outside. I got tired of people saying shit and doing nothing.
-stopped a very important person from making the worst mistake of their
life, some people really will kill, some joke, and some do it, it's
heart stopping keeping people alive.
-Stopped a young girl from killing herself. thought of suicide myself, then i realized how fucking stupid that is.
-got way too depressed for way too long.
- then again i had a week, an entire week, i think in march-ish, where i woke up every single day with a simle on my face.
-i'm an extremist
-i had a fist fight with my sister,
-had my mother smack the living shit out of me... more then once.
-cried my eyes out to my brother in front of my school, i will always
remeber that, I don't cry very much, let alone infront of people
-country donuts is not just a donut place... soul mates for fucking ever. deal
-graduated and started college. i'm in god damn fucking college.
-been to more diners then i can count,
-for once i partied like every god damn mother fucking 17/18 year old should, a lot.
-it's ok to love and it is also ok to feel pain, it's not going to
always be ok and people need to realize that, it's ok to cry at night
and feel like shit and drink water all day and not eat, it's ok, and
i'm tired of people telling everyone things will work out, YOU DON'T
FUCKING KNOW THAT. grow up babez, grow up.
-emotional, and physical scars for life
- heard words i was dying to hear, they where real, but sometimes in reality you end up just becoming another face in the croud.
-I kissed a girl in miller field the last day of school, she was
straight, and she was like yo i've wanted to kiss you sence forvever,
so i was like, um hum what, so we both wanted to know what it would
feel like to kiss a girl,,,,,, and now we know.
-got totaly drunk at work one day, oh how horrible that was.
-fell in love many times at work, on many days... when i say in love i
don't necisserily mean like marragie, kiss kiss, love, i aslo mean
friend love.
-learned about a lot of new music
-hahahaha wow I also learned that I can chug like a mother fucker.
-omg this year has been so effing surreal.
-got so angry i had numerous amounts of people restrain me from destoying a person.not proud of that, don't hurt anyone i love.
-this year i was scared so many times i can not count, from people
behid the bushes, or people trying to kill my friends over petty shit,
for others as well, i was afraid of the people who i let into my heart,
scared of the people who knew my mind, scared of this so called life
and what it was doing to me,i was scared of myself.
-Didn't mind holding those hands even when i was falling down
myself... to make them smile, cuz i know that they would do, and have
done the same thing for me also.
-smoked 20 dollar cigars while speed walking after jonny walker black
label, being practicly married off to a cute boy who sat across from me
that ate nothing at that dinner table, yet politely filled up.
-rolled in the grass with a crazy chick... summer of weirdness, and a bunch has to do with that kid.
-staarted poetry night with readings of my own... my poetry has worsened, but that's ok. you can not force it.
-emotiona rollercoasters, family fueds, and friends who stuck through it all.
-drove at night at about 5 in the morning, been up all night for
stickers to find they are not there to go home for my paper to finish
and go to school. did that shit WAY too often.
-let waldo get the best of me... must find that book. oooooooooooo
-cleaned blood off of floors
-fought tooth and nail for things i beileve in, people i believe in...
people really under estimate me, i am my own person, i don't let people
give me my opinion, if your fucking up i'm gonna let you know. I'm
blunt and to the point, i won't lie to you and say everything is
alright.
-the strangest of people will just come up to me and start talking to
me out of nowhere, or people i barely know will tell me theire life
story, secrets and faults, sins and pleads... and i listen
-pet a goat
-lost a lot of close people to me,
-grandfather died.
-made friends, made hugs, made tears, made plans made food, made peace.
- got confused. a lot.
-discovered myself a bunch.
-realized how effing long this is, and even though i have A LOT
more to say, i can not, for i have lost all of my fellow readers
-...to be continued
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
MY WEEKEND, and by that i mean my weekdays up till now.
HA HA HA oh my: kevin roman throws parties like they're well um like
they are a party, never mind... God Love Justin, this is what he said
to me:
You are going to LOVE these pictures. You were the sketchiest person there who is NOT joey.
that's saying a lot.I don't understand, *laughs*
i captured and kidnapped a brown kid numerous amounts of times with Bailey and her brother Aubry(sp), and Sue AkA Kevin.
we rewarded ourselfes with some J.D Straight from the bottle. (reminds me of M.S.I). and our kidnappie gave us some uh herbs in respect, ha ha ha oh noes.
there was a time when i was a good kid, i swear. ha ha maybe.
woke up, drinking is bad for me, i do it rarely, and i never get
hangovers really, that is good/bad. nick came over,(my gay boyfriend)
and i'm not going to see him for a very very very long time, dolcy came
over, went to the muddy cup, had an asian girl who looks 15 years
younger then she really is ask me if i was on anything. i was not, i
found it humerous. I'm in love with that girl. don't misunderstand what
i mean when i say that, fuck all i should say is i love that girl.
she's effin weird as fuck son.
I'm pretty effing tired, THE SAINTS ROCK. And sue has awsomley cool socks. ha ha ha mine now sucka.
P.S excuse the spelling
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